SOLILOQUY: After 30

[My man, my husband, my soul mate, my Neo
I’m here – ready for you.
How much longer will I have to wait for you?]

Where is he?
Is he closer?
Will I meet him tomorrow?
Or do I know him today?

Am I desperate or just impatient?
Should I detest the wait or enjoy the journey?
Will he know me when our eyes meet?
Or will we need time to build our connection?

[Oh hell no! Even she can get a beau?]

She’s got a man, is she more deserving than me?
Even he’s got a man, hell, was that one mine?
Am I wrong for feeling envious?
Am I wrong for being jealous?

Do I need a man or just want one?
Am I feeling pressured by Society?
Does God hear my request or am I on mute?

[My friend Crystal just got engaged, and her ring is hot!
I know I should feel happy for her, and I do, but I also do not.]

Dang, when is it going to be my turn?
Should I just give up on love?
Or just give up on life?
Should I just give up on the hope of ever being someone’s wife?

Am I ugly?
Am I fat?
Am I too thin?
Am I going crazy?
Or is it because I’m crazy?

[I really like this guy, but he hasn’t returned my call since our date the other day
I could really see us being together, but I guess he didn’t see it that way.]

Am I too independent?
Or came off as too dependent?
Is it because I have a child?
Am I too old for him?
Or is it that I’m too young?
Am I too shy and didn’t talk enough?
Or was it that I am too outgoing and came on too strong?

Am I cursed?
Is it God’s will for me to remain single?
Can I be OK with that?
If it is his will, what have I done or not done to be deemed unworthy in his eyes of my Adam?

Hmmm?

Am I faithful or faithless?

[My man, my husband, my soul mate, my Neo
I’m here – ready for you, and over 30, too.
How ever much longer it will be…I’ll faithfully wait for you.]

*Suggested read
Hebrews 11

Tara S. Gause aka Poetic Goddess Tara Shenéa
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